We need more women who are willing to coach girls. While we often volunteer to help in schools or Girl Scout troops, many women are reluctant to volunteer to coach their daughters' soccer teams because they've never played themselves.
There are other women who are good athletes with coaching skills who would love to coach, but refuse opportunities when they are offered? Why? Because as lesbian women they know the joy they receive from coaching often means hiding who they are.
While homophobia is discussed in most texts on women and sport the issue is rarely described as deep and destructive. Some insist discrimination based on sexual orientation doesn't exist. This argument will be impossible to sustain after reading the evidence in Pat Griffin's recent book, "Strong Women, Deep Closets: Lesbians and Homophobia in Sport."
Griffin is uniquely qualified to write this book because she is a lesbian, an athlete and a former coach. " I remember the deception, the fear and the shame I felt as a lesbian athlete and coach. I know the psychological toll the closet exacts from its inhabitants... As a high school and college lesbian athlete, I was caught in a web of silence. I was afraid if people knew about my lesbian identity, I would lose friends, credibility and perhaps my place on the team. Later, as a coach, I worried about losing my job."
For many years Griffin dealt with being lesbian through silence and secrecy. While many of her friends and colleagues were aware of her struggle, she did not come out publicly until 1987 when she presented a paper on homophobia at a national professional meeting. Her continued resolve to speak out on this still controversial subject has helped many women grapple with the dilemma of coaching while being open as a lesbian.
For me, the strength of Griffin's book lies in the interviews she effectively uses to illustrate her points. She interviewed 48 women who represent a cross section of women from across the country including college and high school athletes and coaches, as well as some who participate at the professional and Olympic level. Yet, she writes, " Though many lesbians were willing to talk to me about their experience, few were willing to have their identities revealed publicly."
I interviewed two local women, both good athletes and coaches who continue to struggle with this dilemma. Both were incredibly forthcoming and honest in our discussion. Yet neither was comfortable using her name for publication.
"I think everyone at my school knows about me,but it's definitely a don't ask, don't tell situation" said a young woman who teaches and coaches.
I have mixed feelings about that because I know my silence acts as a buffer from negative reactions. But it's also sad because I sense there are many who support me. Because we can't talk openly about my sexuality, I miss that positive feedback." She knows she is a good coach, that students and parents respect and admire her. But, she worries, would that change if she told them she was a lesbian?
Another friend has decided she can no longer coach until she feels safe telling people she is a lesbian. "Griffins book really hit home for me" she said. "I was taught very early in my playing and coaching career that being gay was sick and wrong. It's amazing to me that athletics gave me strength and confidence, but was also where I internalized shame and self-loathing that still affects me today. "
One reason this woman is working to be 'out' in every situation, including coaching, is her belief that she could help young athletes who know they are gay.
"Growing up I never had a positive gay role model. I'm sure there are young athletes struggling as I did with the knowledge I was lesbian. I'd like them to be able to talk openly to me. I think I could help." Yet at this point she feels she could not reach out to these girls because she might lose her job or ruin her reputation.
Both of these women are incredible role models. They are strong women who are not only good athletes but amazing people. One follows her love of coaching and says the only way things will change is, "if people like me come out. I've built a reputation that shouldn't be destroyed by being honest about who I am." Yet she hesitates. Knowing many people are still homophobic, the other woman forgoes sharing her talent and love of coaching, at least for the moment.
In both cases, girls lose. They lose a good athletic coach and all girls, lesbian or straight, lose the opportunity of learning form a positive lesbian role model.
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