It's a good time to slow down and reflect on life choices
by Judy Mahle Lutter

Stress is often associated with the holidays, but I think most of us suffer from too much to do and too little time off most of the year. I can usually tell when I need a break from my hectic schedule, and in recent years I, like most of my friends and colleagues, have been taking more long weekends that combine work and pleasure. My longest vacation previously had been less than two week.  

A trip of almost three weeks that I took in November convinced me that longer breaks, though difficult to arrange, not only improve my outlook on problems but also force me to plan ahead and put things in their proper perspective. This trip needed to be longer because we were to visit my best friend in South Africa. Travel time alone took the better part of two days each way so Hap, my spouse, and I wanted time once we were there to relax. 

I know many people who, when they travel, see a new city each day, and revel in the distance they have traveled. Not me. I need to unpack my bags and get the feel of a place. Finding new, slower rhythms is what I need for a holiday.  

We knew this trip offered a rare chance to really get to know a new place because we would be staying with my best friend, Jeanne Gruber Davis. When Jeanne, who has been my friend for 54 years, learned that she and her spouse, Hunt, would be returning to South Africa to live for a year, she invited us to visit. She offered to be our tour guide and host for a week in Cape Town.  I loved South Africa. I learned a great deal about the politics as well as the physical beauty, because Hunt is a professor of African history who did some of his doctoral work in Cape Town in 1965-66. It was great to have an in-house expert who could help explain some of the changes that have occurred since apartheid ended in 1994. We asked many questions, read the local paper and perused bits of history books that lined the shelves.

One day we went to Robben Island, where Nelson Mandela spent 18 years as a political prisoner.  Today, former prisoners are the guides. The tour made a powerful impression.  

Perhaps the trip made me more thoughtful about the value of life and the choices we make. In South Africa, away from the stresses of home, I fell into a restful, more joyous and reflective state.  We easily fell into a pattern of sleeping late in the morning, eating a leisurely breakfast and then setting off on some adventure.

Traveling with Jeanne was one of the highlights of the trip. Jeanne was my college roommate for two years but I see her infrequently now. We've led different lives than we ever dreamt of as kids; we've both lived abroad for periods of time, adopted and borne children, and had careers that were important-something that is not true for all women of our era. We discussed our choices and were grateful for the opportunities and challenges life has offered. As we sat over looking the place where the Indian Ocean and Atlantic meet, we found ourselves discussing the future, our hope, dreams and concerns. 

All four of us turned 60 this year, and it made us more reflective. We all hope to have 30 more years to travel and enjoy life. Jeanne was granted a leave of absence from her position as an elementary school librarian, but decided to resign in June on a brief return home to Florida. "While this Fullbright year had provided Hunt and me with an extraordinary opportunity to enjoy many new experience together, the main reason I retired was that it seemed to be the perfect time to shift gears, she said. "I absolutely loved my job, but this year opened my eyes to other available options, and I look forward to more time for family and friends, volunteering and other pursuits."  

The rest of us plan to continue to work for several more years but like Jeanne I think we're all shifting gears in our own ways. I came home from South Africa vowing to take more time on a daily basis to do things I really treasure. Finding a more gentle and human rhythm that allows for frequent vacations and a less hectic schedule had become a high priority. For the sake of my mental health, I plan to keep it that way. 

Reprint permission granted by the Minnesota Women's Press December 22, 1999-Jan 4, 2000
www.womenspress.com

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